Evil Goonie-in-Training

I’m so very proud of my Goonie and her delight in evil characters. We recently watched Disney’s new DVD release of Peter Pan. During the movie I, the Evil Baritone, was entranced by the villain, Captain Hook. I turned to Goonie and asked which character she liked best, more specifically, did she like Capt. Hook? My little Evil Goonie-in-training did not bat an eyelash, and keeping her eyes glued to the screen said, “No, I like Tic-Toc the crocodile. I want him to eat Capt. Hook!” BRILLIANT!!! She digs the VILLAIN of the villain!!!! Ah, yes. Goonie’s training is coming along nicely.

Goonie is also becoming a critical eye for talent in cinema. The other night Evil Mezzo put in a VCR (wha…? Who uses VCR anymore?) of The Last of the Mohicans starring Daniel Day-Lewis. Mr. Day-Lewis, it seems, has a special place in Evil Mezzo’s heart. I’ve overheard her describe him as “dreamy”, “a dishy beast”, and “sexy hunka-hunka burnin’ love.”

Well, Evil Mezzo made a comment to Goonie as the movie opened and the first glimpse of Mr. Day-Lewis’s character in rustic wilderness garb, something to the effect of, “Goonie, isn’t that man just the most handsome man you’ve ever seen?”

To which Goonie quickly replied, “yes, almost as handsome as Daddy.”

She’ll be the first person I thank when I am awarded my Oscar.

A Diva is Born

EvilBaritone and Goonie are on their way to Babies R’ Us to purchase some items to Bobo-proof the house. (Baby Klingons have a propensity for climbing and getting into every cabinet, drawer, and light socket available.)

On the way they pass a bar with the following on their marquee:

“$1,000 KARAOKE CONTEST THIS THURSDAY”

EB: Hey, Goonie, you think Daddy should enter the karaoke contest to win a thousand bucks?

Goonie: No, ’cause I would win.

A diva is born. American Idol contestants watch out!

Wait for it…wait for it…

It was time for Bobo’s 2 yr immunization shots. Bobo squirmed on the patient bed, curious about all the knick knacks in the little patient room, completely unaware of what was about to occur. The nurse assigned to do the dirty deed finally arrived and approached my little Klingon with a needle jutting in the air, a friendly smile on her face, all the while saying, “this won’t hurt. It’s okay. Juuuuuust relax…”

Yeah. Asking Bobo to relax gets you about the same results if you were to squeeze a bull’s balls and ask him not to gore you.

But Bobo raised her eyebrow at the nurse holding a pointy object as if to say, “you’re not gonna do what I think you’re gonna do…are you? You poke that thing in me and I’ll take you down to Chinatown, girl!” Bobo must have sensed that she was outnumbered with two parents holding her down and a big sister ready to catch her if she escaped so she struggled not. She sat right there and watched as the nurse pricked her upper arm. She didn’t even wince. The nurse expelled the fluid slowly into Bobo’s arm. We knew the wail would come. Wait for it…wait for it…

Nothing.

No wailing. No gnashing of teeth.

She took it like a true Klingon warrior.

The nurse removed the needle and Bobo looked right at her with those vengeful eyes letting her know in Klingon speak, “you thought you could torture me. You loose. I shall not forget this day. Oh yes, I will have my vengence!”

But to us it sounded like, “babble wabble goony goo goo.” Sure is nice to be threatened in such a sweet baby-like way.

Shyaddup and Eat Your Poop

Photo by Jocelyn McCuley

First, I can’t wait to find out what Google searches end up on this entry. (You sickos!)

Little Goonie is 5 (“and a half”) and has reached the stage where all things Poop releated are the funniest jokes on the planet. Simply mentioning the word ‘Poop’ gets her rolling hysterically on the floor.

Bobo the Klingon had her #2 birthday this week. She adores her big sister and anything funny to Goonie is worthy of being funny for her. Goonie has lured Bobo into the fold of “poop is funny”. When she has soiled her diaper she makes no hesitation to run up to a parental unit and shout “POOP!” ‘Course, in her little Klingon accent it comes out more like ‘pyooooop’ making her embarrassing moments in public a little more cute and endurable.

But Bobo only knows the shape, color texture of her own poop and the little tiny poop droppings from the Chihuahua. Stay with me…

On Bobo’s birthday we went with my in-laws to dine at Sweet Tomatoes. If you’re not familiar with Sweet Tomatoes, it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet style restaurant except the buffet line is about a quarter mile long stocked with all varieties of salads, noodle salads, toppings & dressings, creating a sweet sensation of ‘I’m gorging on healthy food so it’s ok to overeat’.

After devouring two mountainous plates of salad there was still room for desert. So I headed for the desert bar and found a delicious variety of chocolate pudding and chocolate mousse. (Review my addiction here) I piled about three servings full onto a plate and sat back down. Bobo sat across from me and when she saw the giant glop of brown gelatinous pudding she all but screamed, “POOOP!! Poop, Dada!”

All eyes in the crowded restaurant flashed our direction to see what the poop commotion was about. I’m sure they didn’t want to step in anything as they left in disgust. I grabbed a spoon, hunched over my plate of ‘poop’, looked at Bobo and said, “shyaddup, kid. Here, eat some poop.”

Goonie witnessed the entire ordeal and could not contain herself after I offered poop to her younger sister. “Poop! You’re eating poop! Ha ha!” For the rest of the meal and the entire ride home it was a “POOP!”-fest for the girls. Songs about poop. Farting noises. Uncontainable laughter. Then when the laughter subsided a little, Bobo would say, “pyoooop” and hysterics started again.

I guess Bobo’s subconscious worked overtime with the topic of the day, ‘cause when we got home…you guessed it! A very large token of appreciation awaited us in her diaper.

Whew! I’m pooped.

Sisterly Love

As I sit and type this bloggity blog, my two girls are quiet. Almost too quiet. They both sit in Goonie’s room trying on the eldest’s clothes & costumes. How adorable little Bobo looks with a Tinkerbell hat. A perfect picture of sisterly adoration.

But I bring you exhibit A to the left. This happened last night. This, dear parents and parents-to-be, is the result of sibling love. Our big girl Goonie became tré upset over the most trivial matter. Details are unimportant, but the Goon has a tendency to be a little bit ‘Rain Man’ sometimes, and if matters don’t work out exactly as she had planned in her mind she goes, well, I think the precise parental term is Ape Shit.

As the Goon was throwing her little tantrum and screaming (I’m most impressed with her high C) little Bobo decided to join the “game” and screamed in unison with her big sister. (They will be an adorable little Patience & Prudence someday) But Goonie didn’t appreciate Bobo’s attempt to share her tantrum so she lashed out and scratched her sister’s face real good. My my my – what Irish tempers both these children have.

Goon is now grounded until she’s 12.

But there is an upside – I am confident when Goon is a teenager, she and her Irish temper will be able to fight off those pesky, horny boys who think they can take advantage of her. My shotgun is safe.