Archive for August, 2006


My Toddler is a Klingon

August 31, 2006

My 18-month old is speaking. Her mother & father are so proud of her! She makes complete sentences with proper grammer and punctuation and everything. But I swear she’s speaking in Klingon, ‘cause it ain’t the language spoken in our house. I surmise that she’s a reincarnation of a Klingon warrior because she is stout and brave and fears nothing. She proves her bravery on a daily basis by swan diving off the sofa or running head-long into solid wooden pews. She proudly displays her new black eye as a badge of honor.

Yesterday she waddled up to my while I sat at the computer, batted her big long eyelashes and said, “ ‘ej pa’wIj lojmIt DamuptaHvIS tam Hoch, Dada

Which I’d like to think meant “I like your singing very much, Father.”

Or maybe she said, “I smell stinky from my bottom region…time to change my diaper, mein Vater.”

But as far as I know little Bobo was reciting Edgar Allen Poe.

Sometimes I know she’s swearing. She and Deedle Dumpling have a Big Lego piece set. Bobo was attempting to assemble what appeared to be a Borg ship scale replica (my Bobo is indeed a Trekkie at a young age) and the last piece just didn’t want to cooperate and connect. “baQa’ guy’cha Dor-sho-gha!” wailed my chubby little Bobo. She’s so cute with her face all scrunched like that.

However, it’s not so cute when she turns her Klingon wrath on the adults in the home. Driving home from the state fair the other day she was becoming restless in her car seat. Klingons evidently don’t like to be constrained. She whined and pulled futilely at the shoulder straps. I broke my concentration on the road and turned to her and lied, “it’s ok, Bobo, we’re almost home,” knowing full well we still had an hour on the road. She threw a glare at me that burned my eyeballs and let out, “mu’qaD qoH QI’yaH plaQta’, yIntagh!!!!!

Had she a qutluch handy I’m sure it would have been a good day to die for me.


My Little (Big) Girl

August 30, 2006

I was thinking yesterday about how my oldest has grown and matured over the last 12 months. One year ago my little Deedle Dumpling was a shy 3 yr old who was too big for her age, didn’t have any friends her age, and knew a Universe about as big as our old condo & my in-laws house, ’cause that’s where she spent all her time.

Last year I unloaded my family from our little condo which my wife & I bought together the year we were married. It was a great metro lifestyle. Close to downtown Portland, near amenities in a cute little neighborhood of Multnomah Village, and was in a relatively safe part of town with good housing appreciation. Little Deedle Dumpling came along in 2001 and made our little abode a comfy cozy place, but we started realizing that the trudge from our front door down two flights of stairs through to the end of the parking lot became a chore when carrying a child. I liked how it was building up my biceps but I knew we had to get a house with a garage some day.

When our little Bubalah came along last year to join Deedle Dumpling our cozy lifestyle quickly got cramped. I swear the walls closed in and our little condo felt like a shanty with two tiny children. One year ago today our little tribe moved out of the metro and to the burbs in a nice home with 2 full baths. And believe me, I’m glad to have that second full bath with 3 women living under one roof.

Deedle Dumpling started preschool after we moved and I remember feeling the parental angst at leaving our shy firstborn who was a full head taller than all the other new preschoolers. She often got mistaken for a 5 yr old (now she’s as tall as a 1st grader at age 4) and looked a little out of place with the rest of the rugrats playing in the sand. It wasn’t long before she had made friends. And when she started telling me about how much she enjoyed chasing”Ben” around the playground I thought to myself, “that right darlin’, just keep ’em running away from you.”

Well, here it is one year later. My little girl is almost 5, takes dance class, and has a weekly playdate with one of her preschool friends during the summer. She loves dance and wishes she could go everyday, and looks forward to seeing her old friends and making new ones when preschool starts again in a week. Once an insecure, shy wallflower, she now goes up to kids her age and starts talking to them. She used to tell Momma & Daddy to be quiet when we were practicing our music, now she makes up her own songs, and creates imaginative scenarios with her 1001 little ponies. She’s been to Disneyland and loves Princesses. She especially loves when Daddy plays her little princess game where the goal is to acquire jewelry. When Daddy wins I have no less than a tiara, bejeweled necklace, earrings, bracelets, and a fine 100 carat diamond ring. Oooooo…I feel so pretty!

Yup, I love my girl. I can’t wait ’til she’s a teenager and has her boyfriends come see her father in drag in a stage show. Hey, don’t underestimate a man in a dress…sagging tights can really piss a guy off!