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That Time I Forgot to Shower in the Shower

April 14, 2016

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This morning I was a little groggy when I woke up. And when I say ‘groggy’ I mean 1-1/2 sheets to the wind. Yesterday my back decided to seize up on me with a spectacular muscle spasm that ran the length of my back just left of the spine. I was down for the count. Even missed an audition. But these things happen. And I am prepared for when it happens (because it has happened before) with a standby prescription for muscle relaxers (thanks again, doc). I’m pretty sure the instructions on the prescription label say not to take the pills with alcohol, but I try not to pay attention to the pesky directions. So I had a beer with my cyclobenzaprine. Then another beer. Right after that second beer the ‘prine kicked in and I stumbled up the stairs, found my way to the bed, and collapsed on the pillow followed immediately by a bunch of “Zzzzzzzz”.

I can tell you from experience that the muscle relaxers do their job extremely well. While I ignore advice to avoid alcohol (it’s just a ‘guideline’, really, isn’t it?), I certainly do not operate heavy machinery. I sleep the sleep of 10 babies with that tiny little pill.

Evidently I wasn’t too wasted to set the alarm for the usual 5:30 am wake up call. I still needed to get to the old J-O-B this morning, so I smashed the alarm, sat up in bed, and rubbed the sleep off my face. The bathroom is right next to the bed but I remember leaning this way and that way, nearly falling down but somehow managing to remain upright. I turned the water on and stepped in the shower, and the next thing I remember was stepping out and toweling off. All routine. I do this every morning, right?

After dressing and eating a healthy bowl of granola, I’ve got the news on and though, “hmmm, why isn’t my hair drying?” I thought perhaps I may have used some hair conditioner and failed to rinse. I’ve been known to do that before. More than once. But I don’t usually use conditioner. Eh, thought I. Must be humid today.

So then I’m in the car on the way to work and my hair still is combed back on my head. It’s short hair so it dries fast. This shouldn’t happen. I run my hand through my hair and think, “it is a little greasy. Maybe I did use conditioner. But it’s like I didn’t even wash…..”

Then it hits me: IT’S LIKE I DIDN’T EVEN WASH MY HAIR. Or my entire body for that matter.

I then gathered enough recollection to remember the shower scene: I stepped into the shower, spun around a few times to get all wet, stood there with the warm water running down my back for a few minutes, then I turned off the shower and got out. No soap. No shampoo. I may not have been clean, but at least my back spasm was gone and I got some sleep.

So I’m usually the first one to get to work. No one else was around. I ran to the kitchen area, switched on the coffee pot (top priority, of course), looked both ways to be sure no one is there, and I proceeded to dunk my head under the faucet and give a little scrub of the follicles with the hand soap. A quick paper towel dry and my hair is once again springy and poofy, and not looking like a 1960’s greaser. It worked. And no one knew about. Until now. Now you all know, so don’t tell my boss.

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